More Japoddness

Well I'm back home in Nirayama after a brief but wonderful trip around Japan, or at least, the bits that I had wanted to see.

Hiroshima: check!
Okonomiyaki: check!
Sake: check!
Kyoto temples: check!
Public baths (sento): check!
Not embarrass oneself by correctly following bathing rules in room full of naked Japanese men: check!
Bullet train: check!
Miyajima: check!
Spectacular autumnal beauty: check!
Identify Ginko tree: check!
Make new friends at hostels: check!
Free wifi, great coffee and feeling at home in Starbucks: check!



This is absolutely the right place to lose your wallet. I lost (and recovered!) mine at the Peace Museum on Wednesday. I noticed an hour later as I was checking in at the hostel. The man at the desk said "That'll be ¥2000 please" and I felt my heart drop.  I patted all my many my pockets but I just couldn't find my wallet. In panic and a state of constant prayer I ran back the Peace Museum, the only place I thought it could be, and the information lady waved at me. I had left it by the postcard counter (typical Rob!) and she had handed it in, of course, completely intact. I have since noticed an odd phenomenon (to western eyes at least); people leave wallets, purses and handbags on tables to reserve seats here. What an incredible trusting society; certainly the best place in the world for terminal droppers, forgetters and losers like me!

Golden Temple, Kyoto. That's real gold!

Yesterday at Kyoto Station I saw a couple holding hands, which is unusual. Japan, as a culture, seems to have a different set of predominant love languages. I don't know if you know about the love languages, but it was a concept that revolutionised my marriage. See here to work out what yours is. It turns out there are five main ways we all naturally express our love for others and naturally feel love being expressed to us; kind words, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and gifts. It turns out that Vic and I, like many couples, have different languages  For a while at the start of our marriage we would both get frustrated expressing our love for the other in ways they didn't feel it. Victoria's primary language is touch, so she would often be holding and stroking me, whereas I was mostly irritated by the constant pawing and needed some quality time. Reading Gary Chapman's book opened our eyes, and we set out trying to learn to 'speak' the other's language.

I get the impression that touch is a much more common language back in the West than here; indeed, anyone who's language was touch would have a difficult time. There's just no holding hands in the street, at least not in your home town. That sort of intimacy is OK when you're on holiday, but you wouldn't want anyone to see THAT personal an event. The threshold of Public Displays of Affection is set very low! Combined with that, it can be hard for married couples to find any space to 'connect,' so to speak. Many families are three or four generations in the same house, and many people share bedrooms with parents or children their whole lives. This means 'love-hotels,' where rooms are rented by the hour,  do a thriving and entirely respectable trade.  I have to admit I would struggle here, and touch only comes third on my list! Thankfully the national character seems vastly more inclined to gifts. So much so that the postal system is an efficient wonder, rapidly and easily transporting little presents, home grown fruit, flowers, letters etc all over the country. It's so fast and so cheap, people post their luggage ahead of themselves on holiday!

Finally for today, Movember is over, and Victoria will be relieved that her bearded husband will return to her in mid-December.  Great efforts by many friends have hopefully seen a few pounds go towards this vital cause. Having seen the sharp end of prostate cancer in the family this year, I'm all the keener that we find better, smarter ways to fight this cancer. The 'cures' and treatments we have at the moment still have a massive impact on men's lives and self-esteems. We have to do better, we will do better. Keep fighting the fight for man cancer, boys!