It's not because Mrs D is beating me regularly, or at least, no more severely than usual! No, it's the French language. I seem to bee making fairly good progress and have even begun the dreaded subjunctive, and the more I speak and listen the easier it gets. The biggest barrier to progress is a lack of practice; I just need more francophones in my life. What with tutoring happening in English and Victoria and I largely communicating in English, it's hard to get the French in.
We have joined two churches, on in English in the evening and one in French on Sunday morning. I suspect Victoria, given a choice, would go exclusively francophone at home and church, but I'm just not ready for that. As much as it's satisfying to be making progress, and I can now largely make myself understood and keep up with the rigors of shopping etc, it's too frustrating to operate at a language level where I can't express complex ideas or, for that matter, simple ones with the option of a more elegant turn of phrase.
Anyway, my point is this. I find, regularly, that after a while submersed in French, my brain hurts. It's always the same pain, a kind of fizzing across the middle, very much akin the stress buzz I used to get at the thought of Ofsted visiting. The exact same feeling I called 'impending doom' whenever the headmaster called to me to his office, and which never went away however long I taught or high I wandered in the rankings of my profession, surely a sad indictment on my self-confidence. It is a decidedly odd experience to have come to view this feeling as my friend. Whenever my brain starts ticking like that these days, I ascribe it (with no neurobiology to speak of, you understand) to neurons connecting, to synapses linking, to LEARNING HAPPENING! It's a delight! I seek it out, some of the time, when I am strong enough. At time's when I'm not it's proved a remarkable opportunity to lean on God, remembering that I believe He called us here, that there's something special for us to do here and that learning French is somehow adding to the kingdom. Standing in His grace helps me daily over here. If I get really stuck, I even pray in French!
I'm off now to read an article on Michael Schumaker's retirement in French! A bientôt!
BTW: should you actually have some neurobiology, don't disabuse me of the notion that I can feel the learning happening. It's too motivational to lose.
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