As the ark of the LORD was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart. 2 Samuel 6, v16.
So I was finally getting around to some bible time when I got home from work today when this leapt out at me. It's a shame it's taken me so long; it must be four weeks or more since a great 'School of Theology' lecture at St Georges church Leeds inspired me to sit and read the history books in big chunks, to treat them like a novel. In just a couple of sittings I am all the way through Saul and Goliath and getting into the highs and lows of David's reign, and rediscovering some of the wonderful narrative in the bible. In the space of two pages David moves from this seemingly carefree joyous moment, abandoned to God and free to express himself, to staying home from the wars while someone else does his dirty work and getting himself into some serous hot water with Bathsheba, surely the lowest low of his career. God must have spent those years pretty exasperated; how can a guy with such incredible potential, so devoted to Him in love and capably leading His kingdom screw it up so badly, so often. It gives me hope for my relationship with God. If David can stay connected through all that sin, how much more will I, living my life with Christ and guided by the Holy Spirit. That said, David wasn't without guidance, he had prohets like Samuel and Nathan keeping him honest. I guess we could all use someone to speak hard and useful truths to us now and then. I wonder who my Nathans are? Who are yours?
Anyway, the piece of the passage that jumped out at me was this bit about Michal despising David when she saw him dancing for God. It reminded me of when I was first a Christian. I used to really struggle to connect with God on an emotional level during worship at church. It didn't help that I'm a terrible singer and I struggled to accept that the noise I made was a joyful sound to God. I suppose that it was early on in my walk with God and naturally any relationship takes time to deepen. Anyway, there I was, singing in church but not feeling much. I distinctly remember resenting people around me who seemed to be having a much better time than me. It just wasn't fair, they were getting so much more out of it! Why wasn't God lighting ME up like he was them! What were they doing with their hands in the air? Didn't they know that looked weird?I haven't thought about that for a long time. I don't remember it passing, but it did, and years go. I don't always feel like I'm immediately bathed in a warm glow of Holy Spiritness every time sing; that's not what I'm saying, but my attitude to worship has totally shifted. I'm now more often than not to be found with my hands in the air; I still wonder if I look silly but I'm past caring. More often than not, I do feel connected to God when I worship Him, but I have learned to worship with sincerity, with effort and in truth, whatever I feel. I finally believe that it's about Him and not me. God has begun a renewing of my mind, and this reading reminded me of how far I've come as well as giving me hope for the rest of what lies ahead. I know there's plenty of work for God still to do on me, but this afternoon's reflection on the progress so far has been thoroughly uplifting. Cheers, Lord!
